How to handle (one's own) old self-harm scars (on the arm), in a work environment?How the working-hours system work in practice?How to convince managers to let me work less hours for the same payHow do I use my self-taught knowledge to make money while enjoying my work?How do deal with being demoralized by a toxic work environment?How to handle losing job due to lawsuit against old company during interview?How to handle unwanted attention from “fans” in the workplace?How should I sell the self-learned skills that I have not used in my previous jobs?
Can you make an identity from this product?
Why do some devices use electrolytic capacitors instead of ceramics for small value components?
Is it a acceptable way to write a loss function in this form?
NUL delimited variable
Does the new finding on "reversing a quantum jump mid-flight" rule out any interpretations of QM?
So a part of my house disappeared... But not because of a chunk resetting
Does a (nice) centerless group always have a centerless profinite completion?
Suppose leased car is totalled: what are financial implications?
Diatonic chords of a pentatonic vs blues scale?
Why is the length of the Kelvin unit of temperature equal to that of the Celsius unit?
What is the logic behind charging tax _in the form of money_ for owning property when the property does not produce money?
Make Gimbap cutter
Why did the World Bank set the global poverty line at $1.90?
What is the Leave No Trace way to dispose of coffee grounds?
How can I remove material from this wood beam?
Is Dumbledore a human lie detector?
A Salute to Poetry
How do we say "within a kilometer radius spherically"?
Was planting UN flag on Moon ever discussed?
Could a person damage a jet airliner - from the outside - with their bare hands?
What STL algorithm can determine if exactly one item in a container satisfies a predicate?
If I had a daughter who (is/were/was) cute, I would be very happy
How do you play "tenth" chords on the guitar?
The significance of kelvin as a unit of absolute temperature
How to handle (one's own) old self-harm scars (on the arm), in a work environment?
How the working-hours system work in practice?How to convince managers to let me work less hours for the same payHow do I use my self-taught knowledge to make money while enjoying my work?How do deal with being demoralized by a toxic work environment?How to handle losing job due to lawsuit against old company during interview?How to handle unwanted attention from “fans” in the workplace?How should I sell the self-learned skills that I have not used in my previous jobs?
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__bot-mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
My girlfriend is graduating from college right now and starting her professional career in a medium sized, rather traditional company in Germany (~12k employees world wide). While being a teenager she self harmed and has pretty obvious scars on her left arm. Although the reason for it, the psychological issues, is gone the scars remain as a mark of that time. Now as the summer is coming she is also thinking about wearing short-sleeved shirts for work, what she avoided until now. She is insecure regarding the reaction of colleagues, heads, etc. and concerned about being seen as the unstable and mentally ill teenager she was years ago instead of the person she is now.
Do you have any advice or experiences whether hiding those scars is better in prospect of her professional career, so not offering the past hard times? Or are companies managing to deal past mental issues professionally in your opinion?
Thanks a lot.
germany dress-code mental-health
New contributor
|
show 3 more comments
My girlfriend is graduating from college right now and starting her professional career in a medium sized, rather traditional company in Germany (~12k employees world wide). While being a teenager she self harmed and has pretty obvious scars on her left arm. Although the reason for it, the psychological issues, is gone the scars remain as a mark of that time. Now as the summer is coming she is also thinking about wearing short-sleeved shirts for work, what she avoided until now. She is insecure regarding the reaction of colleagues, heads, etc. and concerned about being seen as the unstable and mentally ill teenager she was years ago instead of the person she is now.
Do you have any advice or experiences whether hiding those scars is better in prospect of her professional career, so not offering the past hard times? Or are companies managing to deal past mental issues professionally in your opinion?
Thanks a lot.
germany dress-code mental-health
New contributor
Yes. If approached in a reasonable way she is comfortable talking about it.
– froehr
Jun 4 at 6:26
30
There is an article about tattooer who are specialized to scars and willing to help for free. This may be worth thinking about: jetzt.de (it is in german language)
– Allerleirauh
Jun 4 at 11:07
4
Reading the title, I thought this would be a question about "handling" working with someone that has self-harm scars.
– GrumpyCrouton
Jun 4 at 20:08
2
questions like this always make me wonder, why didn't she post the question? why is OP acting as an intermediary here instead of letting her ask in her own words and receive the advice directly? and is it possible she maybe wasn't actually looking for advice? individually, this could be someone just trying to be helpful, possibly misunderstanding their partner's needs. as a trend though, i can't help but wonder how often people come on here to second-guess their partners' decisions.
– dn3s
Jun 6 at 5:42
2
Actually it‘s just because I had an account and she didn‘t know about the forum. In addition she also typed the trxt herself.
– froehr
Jun 6 at 5:58
|
show 3 more comments
My girlfriend is graduating from college right now and starting her professional career in a medium sized, rather traditional company in Germany (~12k employees world wide). While being a teenager she self harmed and has pretty obvious scars on her left arm. Although the reason for it, the psychological issues, is gone the scars remain as a mark of that time. Now as the summer is coming she is also thinking about wearing short-sleeved shirts for work, what she avoided until now. She is insecure regarding the reaction of colleagues, heads, etc. and concerned about being seen as the unstable and mentally ill teenager she was years ago instead of the person she is now.
Do you have any advice or experiences whether hiding those scars is better in prospect of her professional career, so not offering the past hard times? Or are companies managing to deal past mental issues professionally in your opinion?
Thanks a lot.
germany dress-code mental-health
New contributor
My girlfriend is graduating from college right now and starting her professional career in a medium sized, rather traditional company in Germany (~12k employees world wide). While being a teenager she self harmed and has pretty obvious scars on her left arm. Although the reason for it, the psychological issues, is gone the scars remain as a mark of that time. Now as the summer is coming she is also thinking about wearing short-sleeved shirts for work, what she avoided until now. She is insecure regarding the reaction of colleagues, heads, etc. and concerned about being seen as the unstable and mentally ill teenager she was years ago instead of the person she is now.
Do you have any advice or experiences whether hiding those scars is better in prospect of her professional career, so not offering the past hard times? Or are companies managing to deal past mental issues professionally in your opinion?
Thanks a lot.
germany dress-code mental-health
germany dress-code mental-health
New contributor
New contributor
edited 2 days ago
Tyzoid
20616
20616
New contributor
asked Jun 3 at 23:08
froehrfroehr
526125
526125
New contributor
New contributor
Yes. If approached in a reasonable way she is comfortable talking about it.
– froehr
Jun 4 at 6:26
30
There is an article about tattooer who are specialized to scars and willing to help for free. This may be worth thinking about: jetzt.de (it is in german language)
– Allerleirauh
Jun 4 at 11:07
4
Reading the title, I thought this would be a question about "handling" working with someone that has self-harm scars.
– GrumpyCrouton
Jun 4 at 20:08
2
questions like this always make me wonder, why didn't she post the question? why is OP acting as an intermediary here instead of letting her ask in her own words and receive the advice directly? and is it possible she maybe wasn't actually looking for advice? individually, this could be someone just trying to be helpful, possibly misunderstanding their partner's needs. as a trend though, i can't help but wonder how often people come on here to second-guess their partners' decisions.
– dn3s
Jun 6 at 5:42
2
Actually it‘s just because I had an account and she didn‘t know about the forum. In addition she also typed the trxt herself.
– froehr
Jun 6 at 5:58
|
show 3 more comments
Yes. If approached in a reasonable way she is comfortable talking about it.
– froehr
Jun 4 at 6:26
30
There is an article about tattooer who are specialized to scars and willing to help for free. This may be worth thinking about: jetzt.de (it is in german language)
– Allerleirauh
Jun 4 at 11:07
4
Reading the title, I thought this would be a question about "handling" working with someone that has self-harm scars.
– GrumpyCrouton
Jun 4 at 20:08
2
questions like this always make me wonder, why didn't she post the question? why is OP acting as an intermediary here instead of letting her ask in her own words and receive the advice directly? and is it possible she maybe wasn't actually looking for advice? individually, this could be someone just trying to be helpful, possibly misunderstanding their partner's needs. as a trend though, i can't help but wonder how often people come on here to second-guess their partners' decisions.
– dn3s
Jun 6 at 5:42
2
Actually it‘s just because I had an account and she didn‘t know about the forum. In addition she also typed the trxt herself.
– froehr
Jun 6 at 5:58
Yes. If approached in a reasonable way she is comfortable talking about it.
– froehr
Jun 4 at 6:26
Yes. If approached in a reasonable way she is comfortable talking about it.
– froehr
Jun 4 at 6:26
30
30
There is an article about tattooer who are specialized to scars and willing to help for free. This may be worth thinking about: jetzt.de (it is in german language)
– Allerleirauh
Jun 4 at 11:07
There is an article about tattooer who are specialized to scars and willing to help for free. This may be worth thinking about: jetzt.de (it is in german language)
– Allerleirauh
Jun 4 at 11:07
4
4
Reading the title, I thought this would be a question about "handling" working with someone that has self-harm scars.
– GrumpyCrouton
Jun 4 at 20:08
Reading the title, I thought this would be a question about "handling" working with someone that has self-harm scars.
– GrumpyCrouton
Jun 4 at 20:08
2
2
questions like this always make me wonder, why didn't she post the question? why is OP acting as an intermediary here instead of letting her ask in her own words and receive the advice directly? and is it possible she maybe wasn't actually looking for advice? individually, this could be someone just trying to be helpful, possibly misunderstanding their partner's needs. as a trend though, i can't help but wonder how often people come on here to second-guess their partners' decisions.
– dn3s
Jun 6 at 5:42
questions like this always make me wonder, why didn't she post the question? why is OP acting as an intermediary here instead of letting her ask in her own words and receive the advice directly? and is it possible she maybe wasn't actually looking for advice? individually, this could be someone just trying to be helpful, possibly misunderstanding their partner's needs. as a trend though, i can't help but wonder how often people come on here to second-guess their partners' decisions.
– dn3s
Jun 6 at 5:42
2
2
Actually it‘s just because I had an account and she didn‘t know about the forum. In addition she also typed the trxt herself.
– froehr
Jun 6 at 5:58
Actually it‘s just because I had an account and she didn‘t know about the forum. In addition she also typed the trxt herself.
– froehr
Jun 6 at 5:58
|
show 3 more comments
11 Answers
11
active
oldest
votes
I think Alison has a good answer for this, from a person who was interested in moving into management:
If they were fresh scars, indicating that it was ongoing, I think that would be on people’s minds, and their concern for you would probably get in the way of being able to see you in a management role. But they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. We all have scars from past behavior; yours just happen to be visible.
Given that they’re old, the thing that will have the most impact on people’s impression of you is how you operate now. If you come across as emotionally stable and good at what you do, and as a reasonably cheerful and pleasant person, I think your scars will quickly fade into the background in people’s minds. (And in a way, they come with the advantage of signaling to people, “I’m human and I’m probably not going to give you crap when you’re going through short-term difficulties of your own.”)
In other words, they are past and aren't who she is any more. If anyone is so rude to ask, a quick "Oh, that's long in the past - do you have those TPS reports ready?" type answer can help. It's past, it's boring, and let's change the subject to work, because that's why we're here.
19
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
2
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
add a comment |
Back in my old career we used to have an ER nurse at a local hospital who had scars all up her arms that were very obviously self harm scars.
The first time I saw them I felt very awkward and tried my hardest not to look at them. After a few times I got used to them and ignored them. I always did have questions in the back of my mind about what caused it but never once did I blame her for it. The way I saw it she was a victim at some stage and has now moved on with her life, good on her.
Obviously for us we had a bit of experience with mental health issues so we could see past it. She was a great nurse and I think she might have even been supervisor of some sorts.
For people who don't know much about it, it could be a different issue. Hopefully people are open minded and enlightened enough to see past it but it might not always be the case.
Edit:
I am still friends on FB with this nurse to this day and she is still doing great in everything she does.
6
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
30
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
37
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
15
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
1
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
add a comment |
One trick I've used is to wear a very light long sleeve top, made of thin cotton or synthetic. It can be semi-transparent and allow plenty of air flow.
I found that just wearing it signalled to others that whatever issues I had with my arms I didn't want to discuss. It's kinda like make-up, it's obvious you are wearing it but tells other people that whatever it is concealing isn't something you want to talk about.
Even if you only wear it for a while just to let everyone get used to the fact that you have scars, it helps communicate your desire to avoid the subject to them.
3
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
5
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
add a comment |
I have relatively prominent scars on my right forearm and used to be embarrassed. I wouldn't wear short sleeves. I'm 25 now and have worked with a great number of different people, both from the US and UK (i'm British).
I've found that from the most part people may glance once or twice, but there will be no comments and once you come to accept that, you forget about it completely. In my experience it's been no different to maybe having a small mole on the skin - people glance and don't mention it
add a comment |
I prefer the "that's old stuff" answer, but I do know one person who incorporated them into a tattoo. Of course that might create its own issues, depending on the work environment.
add a comment |
She should consider plastic surgery to diminish the appearance of the scars. At the very least, she should visit a plastic surgeon and find out what changes are possible.
It is very common for people to have scars removed, and this is no different. It might even heal more than the physical scars; it can be mentally healing as well.
2
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
add a comment |
I worked with a woman who a wore skin colored sleeve which went from her hand to above her elbow; it had a thumb hole so it wouldn't slip.
The only place I've ever seen something like it was volunteering at Camp Celebrate (a camp for children who are burn victims).
I have no idea if it was a burn, a birth defect, a tattoo, or scarification - I never asked and she never volunteered it.
We are pretty good friends and still lightly keep up. I feel it would be rude to ask her or one of her close friends. If she ever wants me to know she will tell me. I'm not aware that anyone else asked her either.
If a therapist has told your girlfriend that it is part of her healing, maybe this isn't good advice for her.
But I see no difference between that sleeve and her limiting herself to only wearing long sleeve clothing - which you said she is currently considering.
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
1
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
|
show 1 more comment
Is there at least one person at work that she can confide in? I feel like she would be much more comfortable on the first sleeveless day* if she had an ally at work that knew the situation, and knew that day X was going to be the "take a deep breath and plunge in" day. A big part of what is going on is that she doesn't know how people are going to react. If she has someone who she knows wil be "in her corner", it reduces that uncertainty.
Overcoming such difficulties in her past is something to be proud of, and should be celebrated, but she is completely rational to think that there might be people who don't take it that way, and it's reasonable to take preemptive defensive measures in case people display ignorance or unkindness.
*Assuming she decides she wants to go that way--not implying that she should, just to be clear.
add a comment |
My wife didn't notice these scars on one of her younger friends. As I have some contact with young women, I noticed them instantly. I don't think they will get much comment from people who don't recognize them, the same way they wouldn't say anything about a large birthmark.
Is your girlfriend prepared for interaction about the scars with people who do understand? When I saw some on a regular clerk in a shop I frequent (covered by clothes except on the hottest days), I gave her the card for the local crisis line. She was excited and grateful that someone cared enough. But your girlfriend may feel very much otherwise, and should be prepared.
add a comment |
"Own" them. The scars communicate something about her past.
I think about a comparison with tattoos that communicate something about the personality. Think of tattoo motives with some kind of emotional symbolism, as opposed to decoration. These are created with the knowledge of being permanent. I think creating the scars is mainly motivated by the effects of the pain, but the aspect of permanent communication is part of it: To create pain is possible using many locations on the body, and the arm is often chosen repeatedly. The first time it may be a spontaneous choice, but it is consciously repeated.
So the scars could be seen like a tattoo expressing "I've seen worse times than now" - as long as they do not look clearly new. A statement that became part of the personality. Many tattoos communicate the same in much more detailed ways.
In a way, it is not even a particularly strong statement, because it is unspecific. (In comparison, the most specific I have seen is a man with text around his neck. Yes, visible, black on skin text, all around. I never dared to read it.) I have, As a fellow German, some intuition about the local etiquette for big German cities (Berlin): It is just nothing special, it is not something attracting attention. Somebody seeing it either understands what it is and means and will understand the statement about the past, or does not know it and sees a normal, minor scar. (My own sister has some of them - I never even bothered to ask for details. And I see no problem to publicly and permanently reveal this information here.)
So, the scars say "I had bad times earlier in my life.". Which is pretty normal.
What's wrong with that?
add a comment |
This depends a lot on the actual scars. A scar on the arm can easily be from an accident. Is there something about it that would make people believe they were self inflicted? If yes then she must choose between wearing a t-shirt and keeping it a secret. If no then it's not really an issue and if someone happens to point them out, have a reply ready like "these are from an incident a long time ago which I don't feel like talking about".
Also would make up be able to hide the scars?
31
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
16
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
add a comment |
protected by Mister Positive♦ Jun 5 at 15:46
Thank you for your interest in this question.
Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site (the association bonus does not count).
Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead?
11 Answers
11
active
oldest
votes
11 Answers
11
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
I think Alison has a good answer for this, from a person who was interested in moving into management:
If they were fresh scars, indicating that it was ongoing, I think that would be on people’s minds, and their concern for you would probably get in the way of being able to see you in a management role. But they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. We all have scars from past behavior; yours just happen to be visible.
Given that they’re old, the thing that will have the most impact on people’s impression of you is how you operate now. If you come across as emotionally stable and good at what you do, and as a reasonably cheerful and pleasant person, I think your scars will quickly fade into the background in people’s minds. (And in a way, they come with the advantage of signaling to people, “I’m human and I’m probably not going to give you crap when you’re going through short-term difficulties of your own.”)
In other words, they are past and aren't who she is any more. If anyone is so rude to ask, a quick "Oh, that's long in the past - do you have those TPS reports ready?" type answer can help. It's past, it's boring, and let's change the subject to work, because that's why we're here.
19
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
2
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
add a comment |
I think Alison has a good answer for this, from a person who was interested in moving into management:
If they were fresh scars, indicating that it was ongoing, I think that would be on people’s minds, and their concern for you would probably get in the way of being able to see you in a management role. But they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. We all have scars from past behavior; yours just happen to be visible.
Given that they’re old, the thing that will have the most impact on people’s impression of you is how you operate now. If you come across as emotionally stable and good at what you do, and as a reasonably cheerful and pleasant person, I think your scars will quickly fade into the background in people’s minds. (And in a way, they come with the advantage of signaling to people, “I’m human and I’m probably not going to give you crap when you’re going through short-term difficulties of your own.”)
In other words, they are past and aren't who she is any more. If anyone is so rude to ask, a quick "Oh, that's long in the past - do you have those TPS reports ready?" type answer can help. It's past, it's boring, and let's change the subject to work, because that's why we're here.
19
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
2
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
add a comment |
I think Alison has a good answer for this, from a person who was interested in moving into management:
If they were fresh scars, indicating that it was ongoing, I think that would be on people’s minds, and their concern for you would probably get in the way of being able to see you in a management role. But they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. We all have scars from past behavior; yours just happen to be visible.
Given that they’re old, the thing that will have the most impact on people’s impression of you is how you operate now. If you come across as emotionally stable and good at what you do, and as a reasonably cheerful and pleasant person, I think your scars will quickly fade into the background in people’s minds. (And in a way, they come with the advantage of signaling to people, “I’m human and I’m probably not going to give you crap when you’re going through short-term difficulties of your own.”)
In other words, they are past and aren't who she is any more. If anyone is so rude to ask, a quick "Oh, that's long in the past - do you have those TPS reports ready?" type answer can help. It's past, it's boring, and let's change the subject to work, because that's why we're here.
I think Alison has a good answer for this, from a person who was interested in moving into management:
If they were fresh scars, indicating that it was ongoing, I think that would be on people’s minds, and their concern for you would probably get in the way of being able to see you in a management role. But they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. We all have scars from past behavior; yours just happen to be visible.
Given that they’re old, the thing that will have the most impact on people’s impression of you is how you operate now. If you come across as emotionally stable and good at what you do, and as a reasonably cheerful and pleasant person, I think your scars will quickly fade into the background in people’s minds. (And in a way, they come with the advantage of signaling to people, “I’m human and I’m probably not going to give you crap when you’re going through short-term difficulties of your own.”)
In other words, they are past and aren't who she is any more. If anyone is so rude to ask, a quick "Oh, that's long in the past - do you have those TPS reports ready?" type answer can help. It's past, it's boring, and let's change the subject to work, because that's why we're here.
answered Jun 3 at 23:16
thursdaysgeekthursdaysgeek
34.2k1560123
34.2k1560123
19
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
2
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
add a comment |
19
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
2
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
19
19
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
I would however disagree with "they’re older scars, so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much". Most people won't be able to tell if a scar is a week old or ten years old, so uncertanities caused by that will happen. If she sees that people look at them, she should show people that it does not affect her now - don't hide them if someone looks (like crossing arms etc) and continue like nothing happened. I agree that if someone does ask - your answer of "Oh, that's long past." is a good choice, but she could even turn it into a good old "'tis but a scratch" or "It's just a flesh wound".
– Rachey
Jun 5 at 13:24
2
2
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
@Rachey Fresh scars are still covered with blood crust, that level of freshness everyone should be able to distinguish. Once it's indeed "just a scar", the difference is hard to tell indeed, but those typically do not trigger immediate concern as they are already healed. Many people will not even recognize they are from self-harm, but you are right that some will and will no matter what be concerned about you.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
Agreeing with your answer and providing an additional way to look at it: A good friend always said her scars are simply a part of her now, signs of her past that she wears with pride as they mean to her she made it through a hard time. I think actually showing them like it's normal to you, is part of "owning" your past problems and on the one hand put them behind you without simply suppressing them on the other hand. So in most circumstances I would encourage it and simply prove wrong anyone who thinks they are a sign of weakness by how you act.
– Frank Hopkins
2 days ago
add a comment |
Back in my old career we used to have an ER nurse at a local hospital who had scars all up her arms that were very obviously self harm scars.
The first time I saw them I felt very awkward and tried my hardest not to look at them. After a few times I got used to them and ignored them. I always did have questions in the back of my mind about what caused it but never once did I blame her for it. The way I saw it she was a victim at some stage and has now moved on with her life, good on her.
Obviously for us we had a bit of experience with mental health issues so we could see past it. She was a great nurse and I think she might have even been supervisor of some sorts.
For people who don't know much about it, it could be a different issue. Hopefully people are open minded and enlightened enough to see past it but it might not always be the case.
Edit:
I am still friends on FB with this nurse to this day and she is still doing great in everything she does.
6
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
30
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
37
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
15
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
1
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
add a comment |
Back in my old career we used to have an ER nurse at a local hospital who had scars all up her arms that were very obviously self harm scars.
The first time I saw them I felt very awkward and tried my hardest not to look at them. After a few times I got used to them and ignored them. I always did have questions in the back of my mind about what caused it but never once did I blame her for it. The way I saw it she was a victim at some stage and has now moved on with her life, good on her.
Obviously for us we had a bit of experience with mental health issues so we could see past it. She was a great nurse and I think she might have even been supervisor of some sorts.
For people who don't know much about it, it could be a different issue. Hopefully people are open minded and enlightened enough to see past it but it might not always be the case.
Edit:
I am still friends on FB with this nurse to this day and she is still doing great in everything she does.
6
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
30
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
37
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
15
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
1
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
add a comment |
Back in my old career we used to have an ER nurse at a local hospital who had scars all up her arms that were very obviously self harm scars.
The first time I saw them I felt very awkward and tried my hardest not to look at them. After a few times I got used to them and ignored them. I always did have questions in the back of my mind about what caused it but never once did I blame her for it. The way I saw it she was a victim at some stage and has now moved on with her life, good on her.
Obviously for us we had a bit of experience with mental health issues so we could see past it. She was a great nurse and I think she might have even been supervisor of some sorts.
For people who don't know much about it, it could be a different issue. Hopefully people are open minded and enlightened enough to see past it but it might not always be the case.
Edit:
I am still friends on FB with this nurse to this day and she is still doing great in everything she does.
Back in my old career we used to have an ER nurse at a local hospital who had scars all up her arms that were very obviously self harm scars.
The first time I saw them I felt very awkward and tried my hardest not to look at them. After a few times I got used to them and ignored them. I always did have questions in the back of my mind about what caused it but never once did I blame her for it. The way I saw it she was a victim at some stage and has now moved on with her life, good on her.
Obviously for us we had a bit of experience with mental health issues so we could see past it. She was a great nurse and I think she might have even been supervisor of some sorts.
For people who don't know much about it, it could be a different issue. Hopefully people are open minded and enlightened enough to see past it but it might not always be the case.
Edit:
I am still friends on FB with this nurse to this day and she is still doing great in everything she does.
edited Jun 4 at 5:22
answered Jun 4 at 1:04
solarflaresolarflare
11.4k42657
11.4k42657
6
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
30
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
37
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
15
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
1
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
add a comment |
6
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
30
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
37
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
15
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
1
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
6
6
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
How do you know by looking at a scar that it was self inflicted?
– thisisaname
Jun 4 at 6:32
30
30
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
@thisisaname They are not typically "a scar", but a large number of scars along an arm.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 8:00
37
37
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
@thisisaname many scars with similar length, regular intervals between them, etc. Once you know it, it is hardly possible to mistake it with chaos of an accident - it is either self-harm, or torture, the latter way less probable.
– Mołot
Jun 4 at 8:02
15
15
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
@Mołot After multiple 'sessions', not necessarily regular intervals. There'll be overlap and a slight angle. But once you've seen it once, you recognize them on other people too, yes. Usually the marks are nigh impossible to replicate by accidents.
– Mast
Jun 4 at 11:35
1
1
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
@thisisaname Look up pictures on image search. They are unmistakable.
– only_pro
Jun 4 at 19:07
add a comment |
One trick I've used is to wear a very light long sleeve top, made of thin cotton or synthetic. It can be semi-transparent and allow plenty of air flow.
I found that just wearing it signalled to others that whatever issues I had with my arms I didn't want to discuss. It's kinda like make-up, it's obvious you are wearing it but tells other people that whatever it is concealing isn't something you want to talk about.
Even if you only wear it for a while just to let everyone get used to the fact that you have scars, it helps communicate your desire to avoid the subject to them.
3
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
5
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
add a comment |
One trick I've used is to wear a very light long sleeve top, made of thin cotton or synthetic. It can be semi-transparent and allow plenty of air flow.
I found that just wearing it signalled to others that whatever issues I had with my arms I didn't want to discuss. It's kinda like make-up, it's obvious you are wearing it but tells other people that whatever it is concealing isn't something you want to talk about.
Even if you only wear it for a while just to let everyone get used to the fact that you have scars, it helps communicate your desire to avoid the subject to them.
3
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
5
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
add a comment |
One trick I've used is to wear a very light long sleeve top, made of thin cotton or synthetic. It can be semi-transparent and allow plenty of air flow.
I found that just wearing it signalled to others that whatever issues I had with my arms I didn't want to discuss. It's kinda like make-up, it's obvious you are wearing it but tells other people that whatever it is concealing isn't something you want to talk about.
Even if you only wear it for a while just to let everyone get used to the fact that you have scars, it helps communicate your desire to avoid the subject to them.
One trick I've used is to wear a very light long sleeve top, made of thin cotton or synthetic. It can be semi-transparent and allow plenty of air flow.
I found that just wearing it signalled to others that whatever issues I had with my arms I didn't want to discuss. It's kinda like make-up, it's obvious you are wearing it but tells other people that whatever it is concealing isn't something you want to talk about.
Even if you only wear it for a while just to let everyone get used to the fact that you have scars, it helps communicate your desire to avoid the subject to them.
answered Jun 4 at 9:50
useruser
2,5261717
2,5261717
3
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
5
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
add a comment |
3
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
5
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
3
3
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
It may also say to people that you wish to avoid sun exposure. That's my motivation for often wearing lightweight shirts with arm coverage. Now you're making me feel like people may be talking behind my back about why :-(
– George M
Jun 4 at 17:37
5
5
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
I might think it's a bit odd if I saw someone wearing a long-sleeved shirt even in warm weather, but the thought that they have any sort of "issues with their arms" probably wouldn't occur to me. After 5 minutes, I'd probably completely forget about it and not even notice it any more.
– The Guy with The Hat
Jun 5 at 21:37
add a comment |
I have relatively prominent scars on my right forearm and used to be embarrassed. I wouldn't wear short sleeves. I'm 25 now and have worked with a great number of different people, both from the US and UK (i'm British).
I've found that from the most part people may glance once or twice, but there will be no comments and once you come to accept that, you forget about it completely. In my experience it's been no different to maybe having a small mole on the skin - people glance and don't mention it
add a comment |
I have relatively prominent scars on my right forearm and used to be embarrassed. I wouldn't wear short sleeves. I'm 25 now and have worked with a great number of different people, both from the US and UK (i'm British).
I've found that from the most part people may glance once or twice, but there will be no comments and once you come to accept that, you forget about it completely. In my experience it's been no different to maybe having a small mole on the skin - people glance and don't mention it
add a comment |
I have relatively prominent scars on my right forearm and used to be embarrassed. I wouldn't wear short sleeves. I'm 25 now and have worked with a great number of different people, both from the US and UK (i'm British).
I've found that from the most part people may glance once or twice, but there will be no comments and once you come to accept that, you forget about it completely. In my experience it's been no different to maybe having a small mole on the skin - people glance and don't mention it
I have relatively prominent scars on my right forearm and used to be embarrassed. I wouldn't wear short sleeves. I'm 25 now and have worked with a great number of different people, both from the US and UK (i'm British).
I've found that from the most part people may glance once or twice, but there will be no comments and once you come to accept that, you forget about it completely. In my experience it's been no different to maybe having a small mole on the skin - people glance and don't mention it
edited Jun 5 at 12:00
answered Jun 4 at 9:34
SuperSecretAndHiddenFromWorkSuperSecretAndHiddenFromWork
3335
3335
add a comment |
add a comment |
I prefer the "that's old stuff" answer, but I do know one person who incorporated them into a tattoo. Of course that might create its own issues, depending on the work environment.
add a comment |
I prefer the "that's old stuff" answer, but I do know one person who incorporated them into a tattoo. Of course that might create its own issues, depending on the work environment.
add a comment |
I prefer the "that's old stuff" answer, but I do know one person who incorporated them into a tattoo. Of course that might create its own issues, depending on the work environment.
I prefer the "that's old stuff" answer, but I do know one person who incorporated them into a tattoo. Of course that might create its own issues, depending on the work environment.
answered Jun 4 at 11:44
mickeyfmickeyf
36415
36415
add a comment |
add a comment |
She should consider plastic surgery to diminish the appearance of the scars. At the very least, she should visit a plastic surgeon and find out what changes are possible.
It is very common for people to have scars removed, and this is no different. It might even heal more than the physical scars; it can be mentally healing as well.
2
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
add a comment |
She should consider plastic surgery to diminish the appearance of the scars. At the very least, she should visit a plastic surgeon and find out what changes are possible.
It is very common for people to have scars removed, and this is no different. It might even heal more than the physical scars; it can be mentally healing as well.
2
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
add a comment |
She should consider plastic surgery to diminish the appearance of the scars. At the very least, she should visit a plastic surgeon and find out what changes are possible.
It is very common for people to have scars removed, and this is no different. It might even heal more than the physical scars; it can be mentally healing as well.
She should consider plastic surgery to diminish the appearance of the scars. At the very least, she should visit a plastic surgeon and find out what changes are possible.
It is very common for people to have scars removed, and this is no different. It might even heal more than the physical scars; it can be mentally healing as well.
answered Jun 4 at 18:42
axsvl77axsvl77
29417
29417
2
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
add a comment |
2
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
2
2
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
I don't think she should feel she has to do anything about them. Depending on the extent and severity of the scars plastic surgery might be either impossible or way too expensive, however this should be her decision either way and she should not feel compelled to undergo significant cosmetic surgery in order to do well in her career.
– Ilythya
Jun 6 at 15:34
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya For some reason plastic surgery is a controversial topic. Regardless of whether we agree with plastic surgery or not, it is a viable option. It should be one of the answers. I 100% agree that she should not feel compelled to do surgery, but what does it hurt to be informed about this option?
– axsvl77
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
then perhaps your language needs softening from "should" to "could".
– Ilythya
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya "Should consider" is what I wrote. Can she consider and reject this it if it is wrong for her? I don't know about you, but I try to consider all options when facing a problem, then reject the ideas that don't work for me.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
@Ilythya BTW, I am honestly sorry if this answer offends you. As I said before, this is a topic with some controversy. I am not sure where I stand on this issue, but this is something worthy of consideration.
– axsvl77
2 days ago
add a comment |
I worked with a woman who a wore skin colored sleeve which went from her hand to above her elbow; it had a thumb hole so it wouldn't slip.
The only place I've ever seen something like it was volunteering at Camp Celebrate (a camp for children who are burn victims).
I have no idea if it was a burn, a birth defect, a tattoo, or scarification - I never asked and she never volunteered it.
We are pretty good friends and still lightly keep up. I feel it would be rude to ask her or one of her close friends. If she ever wants me to know she will tell me. I'm not aware that anyone else asked her either.
If a therapist has told your girlfriend that it is part of her healing, maybe this isn't good advice for her.
But I see no difference between that sleeve and her limiting herself to only wearing long sleeve clothing - which you said she is currently considering.
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
1
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
|
show 1 more comment
I worked with a woman who a wore skin colored sleeve which went from her hand to above her elbow; it had a thumb hole so it wouldn't slip.
The only place I've ever seen something like it was volunteering at Camp Celebrate (a camp for children who are burn victims).
I have no idea if it was a burn, a birth defect, a tattoo, or scarification - I never asked and she never volunteered it.
We are pretty good friends and still lightly keep up. I feel it would be rude to ask her or one of her close friends. If she ever wants me to know she will tell me. I'm not aware that anyone else asked her either.
If a therapist has told your girlfriend that it is part of her healing, maybe this isn't good advice for her.
But I see no difference between that sleeve and her limiting herself to only wearing long sleeve clothing - which you said she is currently considering.
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
1
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
|
show 1 more comment
I worked with a woman who a wore skin colored sleeve which went from her hand to above her elbow; it had a thumb hole so it wouldn't slip.
The only place I've ever seen something like it was volunteering at Camp Celebrate (a camp for children who are burn victims).
I have no idea if it was a burn, a birth defect, a tattoo, or scarification - I never asked and she never volunteered it.
We are pretty good friends and still lightly keep up. I feel it would be rude to ask her or one of her close friends. If she ever wants me to know she will tell me. I'm not aware that anyone else asked her either.
If a therapist has told your girlfriend that it is part of her healing, maybe this isn't good advice for her.
But I see no difference between that sleeve and her limiting herself to only wearing long sleeve clothing - which you said she is currently considering.
I worked with a woman who a wore skin colored sleeve which went from her hand to above her elbow; it had a thumb hole so it wouldn't slip.
The only place I've ever seen something like it was volunteering at Camp Celebrate (a camp for children who are burn victims).
I have no idea if it was a burn, a birth defect, a tattoo, or scarification - I never asked and she never volunteered it.
We are pretty good friends and still lightly keep up. I feel it would be rude to ask her or one of her close friends. If she ever wants me to know she will tell me. I'm not aware that anyone else asked her either.
If a therapist has told your girlfriend that it is part of her healing, maybe this isn't good advice for her.
But I see no difference between that sleeve and her limiting herself to only wearing long sleeve clothing - which you said she is currently considering.
answered Jun 4 at 17:51
J. Chris ComptonJ. Chris Compton
7,12611837
7,12611837
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
1
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
|
show 1 more comment
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
1
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
Reminds me of the gloves Rouge wears in x-men
– Notts90
Jun 5 at 12:00
1
1
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@Notts90 Similar. Hers was colored very close to her skin tone and without fingers (which is why I used the term "sleeve" instead of glove) and she only used one. Good picture.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 5 at 15:44
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@J.ChrisCompton This sounds like a compression sleeve. Some medical procedures may require removal or damaging of lymph nodes, which causes fluid to build up. If an arm is affected, it can lead to severe swelling, and can be extremely painful. The sleeve basically puts pressure on the tissue, reducing the fluid buildup. They're the arm equivalent of compression stockings.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 16:31
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@barbecue Yeah, I guess it does sound like a compression sleeve. But she's worn it for 5+ years, so I don't think that is the purpose.
– J. Chris Compton
Jun 6 at 18:07
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
@J.ChrisCompton the lymph condition I described is permanent. People may wear them for decades.
– barbecue
Jun 6 at 18:19
|
show 1 more comment
Is there at least one person at work that she can confide in? I feel like she would be much more comfortable on the first sleeveless day* if she had an ally at work that knew the situation, and knew that day X was going to be the "take a deep breath and plunge in" day. A big part of what is going on is that she doesn't know how people are going to react. If she has someone who she knows wil be "in her corner", it reduces that uncertainty.
Overcoming such difficulties in her past is something to be proud of, and should be celebrated, but she is completely rational to think that there might be people who don't take it that way, and it's reasonable to take preemptive defensive measures in case people display ignorance or unkindness.
*Assuming she decides she wants to go that way--not implying that she should, just to be clear.
add a comment |
Is there at least one person at work that she can confide in? I feel like she would be much more comfortable on the first sleeveless day* if she had an ally at work that knew the situation, and knew that day X was going to be the "take a deep breath and plunge in" day. A big part of what is going on is that she doesn't know how people are going to react. If she has someone who she knows wil be "in her corner", it reduces that uncertainty.
Overcoming such difficulties in her past is something to be proud of, and should be celebrated, but she is completely rational to think that there might be people who don't take it that way, and it's reasonable to take preemptive defensive measures in case people display ignorance or unkindness.
*Assuming she decides she wants to go that way--not implying that she should, just to be clear.
add a comment |
Is there at least one person at work that she can confide in? I feel like she would be much more comfortable on the first sleeveless day* if she had an ally at work that knew the situation, and knew that day X was going to be the "take a deep breath and plunge in" day. A big part of what is going on is that she doesn't know how people are going to react. If she has someone who she knows wil be "in her corner", it reduces that uncertainty.
Overcoming such difficulties in her past is something to be proud of, and should be celebrated, but she is completely rational to think that there might be people who don't take it that way, and it's reasonable to take preemptive defensive measures in case people display ignorance or unkindness.
*Assuming she decides she wants to go that way--not implying that she should, just to be clear.
Is there at least one person at work that she can confide in? I feel like she would be much more comfortable on the first sleeveless day* if she had an ally at work that knew the situation, and knew that day X was going to be the "take a deep breath and plunge in" day. A big part of what is going on is that she doesn't know how people are going to react. If she has someone who she knows wil be "in her corner", it reduces that uncertainty.
Overcoming such difficulties in her past is something to be proud of, and should be celebrated, but she is completely rational to think that there might be people who don't take it that way, and it's reasonable to take preemptive defensive measures in case people display ignorance or unkindness.
*Assuming she decides she wants to go that way--not implying that she should, just to be clear.
answered Jun 5 at 15:41
msouthmsouth
38516
38516
add a comment |
add a comment |
My wife didn't notice these scars on one of her younger friends. As I have some contact with young women, I noticed them instantly. I don't think they will get much comment from people who don't recognize them, the same way they wouldn't say anything about a large birthmark.
Is your girlfriend prepared for interaction about the scars with people who do understand? When I saw some on a regular clerk in a shop I frequent (covered by clothes except on the hottest days), I gave her the card for the local crisis line. She was excited and grateful that someone cared enough. But your girlfriend may feel very much otherwise, and should be prepared.
add a comment |
My wife didn't notice these scars on one of her younger friends. As I have some contact with young women, I noticed them instantly. I don't think they will get much comment from people who don't recognize them, the same way they wouldn't say anything about a large birthmark.
Is your girlfriend prepared for interaction about the scars with people who do understand? When I saw some on a regular clerk in a shop I frequent (covered by clothes except on the hottest days), I gave her the card for the local crisis line. She was excited and grateful that someone cared enough. But your girlfriend may feel very much otherwise, and should be prepared.
add a comment |
My wife didn't notice these scars on one of her younger friends. As I have some contact with young women, I noticed them instantly. I don't think they will get much comment from people who don't recognize them, the same way they wouldn't say anything about a large birthmark.
Is your girlfriend prepared for interaction about the scars with people who do understand? When I saw some on a regular clerk in a shop I frequent (covered by clothes except on the hottest days), I gave her the card for the local crisis line. She was excited and grateful that someone cared enough. But your girlfriend may feel very much otherwise, and should be prepared.
My wife didn't notice these scars on one of her younger friends. As I have some contact with young women, I noticed them instantly. I don't think they will get much comment from people who don't recognize them, the same way they wouldn't say anything about a large birthmark.
Is your girlfriend prepared for interaction about the scars with people who do understand? When I saw some on a regular clerk in a shop I frequent (covered by clothes except on the hottest days), I gave her the card for the local crisis line. She was excited and grateful that someone cared enough. But your girlfriend may feel very much otherwise, and should be prepared.
answered Jun 4 at 19:45
Andrew LazarusAndrew Lazarus
14135
14135
add a comment |
add a comment |
"Own" them. The scars communicate something about her past.
I think about a comparison with tattoos that communicate something about the personality. Think of tattoo motives with some kind of emotional symbolism, as opposed to decoration. These are created with the knowledge of being permanent. I think creating the scars is mainly motivated by the effects of the pain, but the aspect of permanent communication is part of it: To create pain is possible using many locations on the body, and the arm is often chosen repeatedly. The first time it may be a spontaneous choice, but it is consciously repeated.
So the scars could be seen like a tattoo expressing "I've seen worse times than now" - as long as they do not look clearly new. A statement that became part of the personality. Many tattoos communicate the same in much more detailed ways.
In a way, it is not even a particularly strong statement, because it is unspecific. (In comparison, the most specific I have seen is a man with text around his neck. Yes, visible, black on skin text, all around. I never dared to read it.) I have, As a fellow German, some intuition about the local etiquette for big German cities (Berlin): It is just nothing special, it is not something attracting attention. Somebody seeing it either understands what it is and means and will understand the statement about the past, or does not know it and sees a normal, minor scar. (My own sister has some of them - I never even bothered to ask for details. And I see no problem to publicly and permanently reveal this information here.)
So, the scars say "I had bad times earlier in my life.". Which is pretty normal.
What's wrong with that?
add a comment |
"Own" them. The scars communicate something about her past.
I think about a comparison with tattoos that communicate something about the personality. Think of tattoo motives with some kind of emotional symbolism, as opposed to decoration. These are created with the knowledge of being permanent. I think creating the scars is mainly motivated by the effects of the pain, but the aspect of permanent communication is part of it: To create pain is possible using many locations on the body, and the arm is often chosen repeatedly. The first time it may be a spontaneous choice, but it is consciously repeated.
So the scars could be seen like a tattoo expressing "I've seen worse times than now" - as long as they do not look clearly new. A statement that became part of the personality. Many tattoos communicate the same in much more detailed ways.
In a way, it is not even a particularly strong statement, because it is unspecific. (In comparison, the most specific I have seen is a man with text around his neck. Yes, visible, black on skin text, all around. I never dared to read it.) I have, As a fellow German, some intuition about the local etiquette for big German cities (Berlin): It is just nothing special, it is not something attracting attention. Somebody seeing it either understands what it is and means and will understand the statement about the past, or does not know it and sees a normal, minor scar. (My own sister has some of them - I never even bothered to ask for details. And I see no problem to publicly and permanently reveal this information here.)
So, the scars say "I had bad times earlier in my life.". Which is pretty normal.
What's wrong with that?
add a comment |
"Own" them. The scars communicate something about her past.
I think about a comparison with tattoos that communicate something about the personality. Think of tattoo motives with some kind of emotional symbolism, as opposed to decoration. These are created with the knowledge of being permanent. I think creating the scars is mainly motivated by the effects of the pain, but the aspect of permanent communication is part of it: To create pain is possible using many locations on the body, and the arm is often chosen repeatedly. The first time it may be a spontaneous choice, but it is consciously repeated.
So the scars could be seen like a tattoo expressing "I've seen worse times than now" - as long as they do not look clearly new. A statement that became part of the personality. Many tattoos communicate the same in much more detailed ways.
In a way, it is not even a particularly strong statement, because it is unspecific. (In comparison, the most specific I have seen is a man with text around his neck. Yes, visible, black on skin text, all around. I never dared to read it.) I have, As a fellow German, some intuition about the local etiquette for big German cities (Berlin): It is just nothing special, it is not something attracting attention. Somebody seeing it either understands what it is and means and will understand the statement about the past, or does not know it and sees a normal, minor scar. (My own sister has some of them - I never even bothered to ask for details. And I see no problem to publicly and permanently reveal this information here.)
So, the scars say "I had bad times earlier in my life.". Which is pretty normal.
What's wrong with that?
"Own" them. The scars communicate something about her past.
I think about a comparison with tattoos that communicate something about the personality. Think of tattoo motives with some kind of emotional symbolism, as opposed to decoration. These are created with the knowledge of being permanent. I think creating the scars is mainly motivated by the effects of the pain, but the aspect of permanent communication is part of it: To create pain is possible using many locations on the body, and the arm is often chosen repeatedly. The first time it may be a spontaneous choice, but it is consciously repeated.
So the scars could be seen like a tattoo expressing "I've seen worse times than now" - as long as they do not look clearly new. A statement that became part of the personality. Many tattoos communicate the same in much more detailed ways.
In a way, it is not even a particularly strong statement, because it is unspecific. (In comparison, the most specific I have seen is a man with text around his neck. Yes, visible, black on skin text, all around. I never dared to read it.) I have, As a fellow German, some intuition about the local etiquette for big German cities (Berlin): It is just nothing special, it is not something attracting attention. Somebody seeing it either understands what it is and means and will understand the statement about the past, or does not know it and sees a normal, minor scar. (My own sister has some of them - I never even bothered to ask for details. And I see no problem to publicly and permanently reveal this information here.)
So, the scars say "I had bad times earlier in my life.". Which is pretty normal.
What's wrong with that?
answered Jun 5 at 12:05
Volker SiegelVolker Siegel
547514
547514
add a comment |
add a comment |
This depends a lot on the actual scars. A scar on the arm can easily be from an accident. Is there something about it that would make people believe they were self inflicted? If yes then she must choose between wearing a t-shirt and keeping it a secret. If no then it's not really an issue and if someone happens to point them out, have a reply ready like "these are from an incident a long time ago which I don't feel like talking about".
Also would make up be able to hide the scars?
31
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
16
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
add a comment |
This depends a lot on the actual scars. A scar on the arm can easily be from an accident. Is there something about it that would make people believe they were self inflicted? If yes then she must choose between wearing a t-shirt and keeping it a secret. If no then it's not really an issue and if someone happens to point them out, have a reply ready like "these are from an incident a long time ago which I don't feel like talking about".
Also would make up be able to hide the scars?
31
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
16
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
add a comment |
This depends a lot on the actual scars. A scar on the arm can easily be from an accident. Is there something about it that would make people believe they were self inflicted? If yes then she must choose between wearing a t-shirt and keeping it a secret. If no then it's not really an issue and if someone happens to point them out, have a reply ready like "these are from an incident a long time ago which I don't feel like talking about".
Also would make up be able to hide the scars?
This depends a lot on the actual scars. A scar on the arm can easily be from an accident. Is there something about it that would make people believe they were self inflicted? If yes then she must choose between wearing a t-shirt and keeping it a secret. If no then it's not really an issue and if someone happens to point them out, have a reply ready like "these are from an incident a long time ago which I don't feel like talking about".
Also would make up be able to hide the scars?
answered Jun 3 at 23:42
thisisanamethisisaname
5801613
5801613
31
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
16
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
add a comment |
31
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
16
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
31
31
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
This answer suggests that you are unfamiliar with such scars. They do not look like they are from an accident, and they cannot be hidden with a spot of make-up (and neither should they be - from what I gather, no longer hiding them is often an important part in the recovery and acceptance process). I would suggest deleting this answer.
– Sanchises
Jun 4 at 7:32
16
16
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
Covering up visible scars on the body arms and legs etc, is not a long term solution that can be maintained. It takes a toll on ones mental health and perception of self worth. Particularly with the constant reapplication that is required to maintain a concealing layer on the arms throughout the day. Covering your scars for a day because you want to look your absolute best for a event is possible. Covering them up 5 days a week every week while working is something i would not advise anyone tries.
– J.Doe
Jun 4 at 8:49
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This answer is useful because of the comments on it--I upvoted it because I hope OP will leave it in place so that people can understand why makeup is not a good solution.
– msouth
Jun 5 at 15:24
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
This is a good answer that mentions a practical solution and a potential solution (alternative explanation provided by the person with scars). +1
– Blondie
Jun 5 at 19:19
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
Clarifying questions should be asked in comments, not in an answer. Once those have been answered there, you can answer in a way that's more useful to the asker, once you know whether your suggested solution even works.
– V2Blast
Jun 6 at 9:33
add a comment |
protected by Mister Positive♦ Jun 5 at 15:46
Thank you for your interest in this question.
Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site (the association bonus does not count).
Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead?
Yes. If approached in a reasonable way she is comfortable talking about it.
– froehr
Jun 4 at 6:26
30
There is an article about tattooer who are specialized to scars and willing to help for free. This may be worth thinking about: jetzt.de (it is in german language)
– Allerleirauh
Jun 4 at 11:07
4
Reading the title, I thought this would be a question about "handling" working with someone that has self-harm scars.
– GrumpyCrouton
Jun 4 at 20:08
2
questions like this always make me wonder, why didn't she post the question? why is OP acting as an intermediary here instead of letting her ask in her own words and receive the advice directly? and is it possible she maybe wasn't actually looking for advice? individually, this could be someone just trying to be helpful, possibly misunderstanding their partner's needs. as a trend though, i can't help but wonder how often people come on here to second-guess their partners' decisions.
– dn3s
Jun 6 at 5:42
2
Actually it‘s just because I had an account and she didn‘t know about the forum. In addition she also typed the trxt herself.
– froehr
Jun 6 at 5:58