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Extreme, but not acceptable situation and I can't start the work tomorrow morning
Should I tell on my colleague for not keeping to assigned work-hours and abusing work-hours as break time?My employer thinks I'm not allowed to work overtime but I am, is it expected that I correct him?Company interested in hiring me, but I want to start in 2 years at the earliestNegotiating with a difficult company offering less than the market rate and trying to invalidate my previous work experienceCan I warn my manager of both professional and personal issues with a potential job applicant?How an employee can terminate a signed contract the starting date of the employment is not until 2 and half months?
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__bot-mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where the public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days long. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I should start the work, as usual. I won't be able to do it. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I won't be able to work on Monday and also not on Tuesday.
It is a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job for that. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. And I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on different trains. But it is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to change that.
How should I maximize my chance not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different with the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
|
show 4 more comments
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where the public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days long. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I should start the work, as usual. I won't be able to do it. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I won't be able to work on Monday and also not on Tuesday.
It is a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job for that. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. And I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on different trains. But it is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to change that.
How should I maximize my chance not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different with the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
61
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
7
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
16 hours ago
13
I think you need to talk about your relationship with someone. Not calling for 3 days = threats to abort a baby is not a proportional response which suggests either you aren't telling us everything, or she has more going on that she isn't telling you.
– Tim B
11 hours ago
|
show 4 more comments
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where the public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days long. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I should start the work, as usual. I won't be able to do it. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I won't be able to work on Monday and also not on Tuesday.
It is a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job for that. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. And I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on different trains. But it is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to change that.
How should I maximize my chance not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different with the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where the public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days long. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I should start the work, as usual. I won't be able to do it. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I won't be able to work on Monday and also not on Tuesday.
It is a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job for that. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. And I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on different trains. But it is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to change that.
How should I maximize my chance not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different with the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
germany personal-problems
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
edited 16 hours ago
Community♦
1
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,94241427
1,94241427
61
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
7
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
16 hours ago
13
I think you need to talk about your relationship with someone. Not calling for 3 days = threats to abort a baby is not a proportional response which suggests either you aren't telling us everything, or she has more going on that she isn't telling you.
– Tim B
11 hours ago
|
show 4 more comments
61
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
7
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
16 hours ago
13
I think you need to talk about your relationship with someone. Not calling for 3 days = threats to abort a baby is not a proportional response which suggests either you aren't telling us everything, or she has more going on that she isn't telling you.
– Tim B
11 hours ago
61
61
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
7
7
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
16 hours ago
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
16 hours ago
13
13
I think you need to talk about your relationship with someone. Not calling for 3 days = threats to abort a baby is not a proportional response which suggests either you aren't telling us everything, or she has more going on that she isn't telling you.
– Tim B
11 hours ago
I think you need to talk about your relationship with someone. Not calling for 3 days = threats to abort a baby is not a proportional response which suggests either you aren't telling us everything, or she has more going on that she isn't telling you.
– Tim B
11 hours ago
|
show 4 more comments
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
24
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
80
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
41
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
11
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
6
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
|
show 11 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
4
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
48
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
6
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
add a comment |
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
11
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
2
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
2
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutschermeaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
1
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
add a comment |
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5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
24
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
80
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
41
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
11
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
6
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
|
show 11 more comments
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
24
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
80
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
41
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
11
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
6
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
|
show 11 more comments
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
254k1317371050
254k1317371050
24
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
80
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
41
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
11
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
6
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
|
show 11 more comments
24
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
80
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
41
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
11
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
6
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
24
24
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
80
80
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
41
41
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
22 hours ago
11
11
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
21 hours ago
6
6
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
18 hours ago
|
show 11 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
4
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
48
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
6
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
4
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
48
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
6
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
edited 14 hours ago
user87779
10525
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,38721739
8,38721739
4
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
48
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
6
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
4
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
48
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
6
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
4
4
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
23 hours ago
48
48
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
20 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
@TeroLahtinen Giving to many details can make it worse, unless you are absolutely certain that the boss will understand the situation. In the situation of OP the boss could argue that it's not an medical emergency and that it doesn't requires immediate action so he doesn't agree with the absence from work. Then what? By not giving details he can't dismiss your situation.
– kapex
19 hours ago
3
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
17 hours ago
6
6
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
add a comment |
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
add a comment |
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
answered 19 hours ago
TomTom
5,5361423
5,5361423
add a comment |
add a comment |
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
11
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
2
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
2
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutschermeaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
11
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
2
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
2
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutschermeaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
edited 22 hours ago
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
24515
24515
11
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
2
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
2
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutschermeaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
11
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
2
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
2
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutschermeaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
11
11
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
22 hours ago
2
2
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
2
2
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
22 hours ago
5
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the word
Passdeutscher meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the word
Passdeutscher meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.– Bernhard Döbler
21 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
20 hours ago
|
show 1 more comment
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
1
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
add a comment |
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
1
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
add a comment |
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
edited 19 hours ago
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
answered 19 hours ago
JanJan
873
873
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
1
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
add a comment |
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
1
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
17 hours ago
1
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
16 hours ago
1
1
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
8 hours ago
add a comment |
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61
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
7
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
16 hours ago
13
I think you need to talk about your relationship with someone. Not calling for 3 days = threats to abort a baby is not a proportional response which suggests either you aren't telling us everything, or she has more going on that she isn't telling you.
– Tim B
11 hours ago