How do I handle a potential work/personal life conflict as the manager of one of my friends professionally? [on hold]How to professionally handle transition between an incompetent manager and a good one?When To Go Over Boss's Head?How to write a good resignation letter when quitting under poor circumstances?New coworker puts on disturbing shows and music on the store TVManager with likely Internalized MisogynyWhat is the right approach to handle bossy co-worker?Am I being overly critical and unfair to my coworker or is she being entitled?How can I react professionally to sarcasm by my manager?Can I warn my manager of both professional and personal issues with a potential job applicant?How to handle high performing software developers undermining a senior lead?
What is the most common color to indicate the input-field is disabled?
1960's book about a plague that kills all white people
Is it canonical bit space?
Doing something right before you need it - expression for this?
Why "Having chlorophyll without photosynthesis is actually very dangerous" and "like living with a bomb"?
90's TV series where a boy goes to another dimension through portal near power lines
How to draw the figure with four pentagons?
In a spin, are both wings stalled?
Infinite Abelian subgroup of infinite non Abelian group example
Why does Kotter return in Welcome Back Kotter?
How can I tell someone that I want to be his or her friend?
Did Shadowfax go to Valinor?
Would Slavery Reparations be considered Bills of Attainder and hence Illegal?
AES: Why is it a good practice to use only the first 16bytes of a hash for encryption?
What exploit are these user agents trying to use?
Anagram holiday
A reference to a well-known characterization of scattered compact spaces
Can one be a co-translator of a book, if he does not know the language that the book is translated into?
What killed these X2 caps?
Where does SFDX store details about scratch orgs?
Could gravitational lensing be used to protect a spaceship from a laser?
I would say: "You are another teacher", but she is a woman and I am a man
Is it legal for company to use my work email to pretend I still work there?
How can saying a song's name be a copyright violation?
How do I handle a potential work/personal life conflict as the manager of one of my friends professionally? [on hold]
How to professionally handle transition between an incompetent manager and a good one?When To Go Over Boss's Head?How to write a good resignation letter when quitting under poor circumstances?New coworker puts on disturbing shows and music on the store TVManager with likely Internalized MisogynyWhat is the right approach to handle bossy co-worker?Am I being overly critical and unfair to my coworker or is she being entitled?How can I react professionally to sarcasm by my manager?Can I warn my manager of both professional and personal issues with a potential job applicant?How to handle high performing software developers undermining a senior lead?
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__bot-mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
I have a rather peculiar situation.
My wife and I have a couple who we are friends with, and recently the woman (let’s call her Jane) was hired in my company and works in my team (I’m her manager!).
Now Jane and my wife often socialize , with frequent shopping trips and lunches together. Now suddenly things have turned a bit sour between them and they had a few arguments, during which Jane also acted rudely and cut off all connection to my wife (Jane is a bit of an emotional cannon at times).
Now my wife is pissed off because of her behavior and I’m in an awkward position because I meet Jane at work and she acts normal. I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life. But it is terribly awkward since we don’t socialize with the couple anymore and deep down I feel that she owes an apology to my wife or at least they should clarify things between them.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job but of course it was my decision to hire her and she is a qualified person for the job too.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her. I don’t feel it is right as this personal issue shouldn’t come in professional domain. My wife agrees. But to be honest, I’m pissed off at this whole episode. Jane is seemingly quite naive to act as she likes and feel no obligation to apologize, knowing the link to her career.
Am I right to ignore Jane's rude behavior towards my wife at work even though I am in a position to guarantee this impacts Jane's career.?
professionalism work-environment manager relationships personal-problems
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, BryanH, Rory Alsop, Dmitry Grigoryev, IDrinkandIKnowThings 15 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
|
show 7 more comments
I have a rather peculiar situation.
My wife and I have a couple who we are friends with, and recently the woman (let’s call her Jane) was hired in my company and works in my team (I’m her manager!).
Now Jane and my wife often socialize , with frequent shopping trips and lunches together. Now suddenly things have turned a bit sour between them and they had a few arguments, during which Jane also acted rudely and cut off all connection to my wife (Jane is a bit of an emotional cannon at times).
Now my wife is pissed off because of her behavior and I’m in an awkward position because I meet Jane at work and she acts normal. I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life. But it is terribly awkward since we don’t socialize with the couple anymore and deep down I feel that she owes an apology to my wife or at least they should clarify things between them.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job but of course it was my decision to hire her and she is a qualified person for the job too.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her. I don’t feel it is right as this personal issue shouldn’t come in professional domain. My wife agrees. But to be honest, I’m pissed off at this whole episode. Jane is seemingly quite naive to act as she likes and feel no obligation to apologize, knowing the link to her career.
Am I right to ignore Jane's rude behavior towards my wife at work even though I am in a position to guarantee this impacts Jane's career.?
professionalism work-environment manager relationships personal-problems
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, BryanH, Rory Alsop, Dmitry Grigoryev, IDrinkandIKnowThings 15 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
99
Keep work at work. Keep home life at home. "My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane." - you could learn a few things by listening to your wife.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
114
"Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her) but I’m a nice guy :) " You should distance yourself from this sort of thinking, specifically - You're not 'being a nice guy'. You're being a professional and decent human being.
– Ethan The Brave
yesterday
14
Just a comment, since there are already answers which I agree with - this is only a "peculiar situation" if you choose to make it so. Jane appears to be continuing to behave professionally at work, and as her manager, that's all you need to consider.
– brhans
yesterday
61
The fact that you said "I could fire her but I won't because I'm a nice guy" strongly suggests that you might not be as nice of a guy as you think...
– Conor Mancone
yesterday
23
@dkel You're not "being nice" by not firing her, or by renewing her contract. You're being just normal, since you clearly say she's still doing her job correctly. If I tell you the story of "a boss that fired a girl just because this girl had an argument with his wife, but still kept doing her job correctly", what would you think of this manager? That is not "nice". Of course, if she decided to start making troubles at work following that episode, things would be totally different, but it's not the case, apparently.
– dim
yesterday
|
show 7 more comments
I have a rather peculiar situation.
My wife and I have a couple who we are friends with, and recently the woman (let’s call her Jane) was hired in my company and works in my team (I’m her manager!).
Now Jane and my wife often socialize , with frequent shopping trips and lunches together. Now suddenly things have turned a bit sour between them and they had a few arguments, during which Jane also acted rudely and cut off all connection to my wife (Jane is a bit of an emotional cannon at times).
Now my wife is pissed off because of her behavior and I’m in an awkward position because I meet Jane at work and she acts normal. I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life. But it is terribly awkward since we don’t socialize with the couple anymore and deep down I feel that she owes an apology to my wife or at least they should clarify things between them.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job but of course it was my decision to hire her and she is a qualified person for the job too.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her. I don’t feel it is right as this personal issue shouldn’t come in professional domain. My wife agrees. But to be honest, I’m pissed off at this whole episode. Jane is seemingly quite naive to act as she likes and feel no obligation to apologize, knowing the link to her career.
Am I right to ignore Jane's rude behavior towards my wife at work even though I am in a position to guarantee this impacts Jane's career.?
professionalism work-environment manager relationships personal-problems
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I have a rather peculiar situation.
My wife and I have a couple who we are friends with, and recently the woman (let’s call her Jane) was hired in my company and works in my team (I’m her manager!).
Now Jane and my wife often socialize , with frequent shopping trips and lunches together. Now suddenly things have turned a bit sour between them and they had a few arguments, during which Jane also acted rudely and cut off all connection to my wife (Jane is a bit of an emotional cannon at times).
Now my wife is pissed off because of her behavior and I’m in an awkward position because I meet Jane at work and she acts normal. I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life. But it is terribly awkward since we don’t socialize with the couple anymore and deep down I feel that she owes an apology to my wife or at least they should clarify things between them.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job but of course it was my decision to hire her and she is a qualified person for the job too.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her. I don’t feel it is right as this personal issue shouldn’t come in professional domain. My wife agrees. But to be honest, I’m pissed off at this whole episode. Jane is seemingly quite naive to act as she likes and feel no obligation to apologize, knowing the link to her career.
Am I right to ignore Jane's rude behavior towards my wife at work even though I am in a position to guarantee this impacts Jane's career.?
professionalism work-environment manager relationships personal-problems
professionalism work-environment manager relationships personal-problems
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
edited 13 hours ago
Steve
3,100620
3,100620
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
asked yesterday
dkel dkel
128115
128115
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
dkel is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, BryanH, Rory Alsop, Dmitry Grigoryev, IDrinkandIKnowThings 15 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
put on hold as primarily opinion-based by gnat, BryanH, Rory Alsop, Dmitry Grigoryev, IDrinkandIKnowThings 15 hours ago
Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.
99
Keep work at work. Keep home life at home. "My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane." - you could learn a few things by listening to your wife.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
114
"Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her) but I’m a nice guy :) " You should distance yourself from this sort of thinking, specifically - You're not 'being a nice guy'. You're being a professional and decent human being.
– Ethan The Brave
yesterday
14
Just a comment, since there are already answers which I agree with - this is only a "peculiar situation" if you choose to make it so. Jane appears to be continuing to behave professionally at work, and as her manager, that's all you need to consider.
– brhans
yesterday
61
The fact that you said "I could fire her but I won't because I'm a nice guy" strongly suggests that you might not be as nice of a guy as you think...
– Conor Mancone
yesterday
23
@dkel You're not "being nice" by not firing her, or by renewing her contract. You're being just normal, since you clearly say she's still doing her job correctly. If I tell you the story of "a boss that fired a girl just because this girl had an argument with his wife, but still kept doing her job correctly", what would you think of this manager? That is not "nice". Of course, if she decided to start making troubles at work following that episode, things would be totally different, but it's not the case, apparently.
– dim
yesterday
|
show 7 more comments
99
Keep work at work. Keep home life at home. "My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane." - you could learn a few things by listening to your wife.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
114
"Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her) but I’m a nice guy :) " You should distance yourself from this sort of thinking, specifically - You're not 'being a nice guy'. You're being a professional and decent human being.
– Ethan The Brave
yesterday
14
Just a comment, since there are already answers which I agree with - this is only a "peculiar situation" if you choose to make it so. Jane appears to be continuing to behave professionally at work, and as her manager, that's all you need to consider.
– brhans
yesterday
61
The fact that you said "I could fire her but I won't because I'm a nice guy" strongly suggests that you might not be as nice of a guy as you think...
– Conor Mancone
yesterday
23
@dkel You're not "being nice" by not firing her, or by renewing her contract. You're being just normal, since you clearly say she's still doing her job correctly. If I tell you the story of "a boss that fired a girl just because this girl had an argument with his wife, but still kept doing her job correctly", what would you think of this manager? That is not "nice". Of course, if she decided to start making troubles at work following that episode, things would be totally different, but it's not the case, apparently.
– dim
yesterday
99
99
Keep work at work. Keep home life at home. "My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane." - you could learn a few things by listening to your wife.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
Keep work at work. Keep home life at home. "My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane." - you could learn a few things by listening to your wife.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
114
114
"Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her) but I’m a nice guy :) " You should distance yourself from this sort of thinking, specifically - You're not 'being a nice guy'. You're being a professional and decent human being.
– Ethan The Brave
yesterday
"Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her) but I’m a nice guy :) " You should distance yourself from this sort of thinking, specifically - You're not 'being a nice guy'. You're being a professional and decent human being.
– Ethan The Brave
yesterday
14
14
Just a comment, since there are already answers which I agree with - this is only a "peculiar situation" if you choose to make it so. Jane appears to be continuing to behave professionally at work, and as her manager, that's all you need to consider.
– brhans
yesterday
Just a comment, since there are already answers which I agree with - this is only a "peculiar situation" if you choose to make it so. Jane appears to be continuing to behave professionally at work, and as her manager, that's all you need to consider.
– brhans
yesterday
61
61
The fact that you said "I could fire her but I won't because I'm a nice guy" strongly suggests that you might not be as nice of a guy as you think...
– Conor Mancone
yesterday
The fact that you said "I could fire her but I won't because I'm a nice guy" strongly suggests that you might not be as nice of a guy as you think...
– Conor Mancone
yesterday
23
23
@dkel You're not "being nice" by not firing her, or by renewing her contract. You're being just normal, since you clearly say she's still doing her job correctly. If I tell you the story of "a boss that fired a girl just because this girl had an argument with his wife, but still kept doing her job correctly", what would you think of this manager? That is not "nice". Of course, if she decided to start making troubles at work following that episode, things would be totally different, but it's not the case, apparently.
– dim
yesterday
@dkel You're not "being nice" by not firing her, or by renewing her contract. You're being just normal, since you clearly say she's still doing her job correctly. If I tell you the story of "a boss that fired a girl just because this girl had an argument with his wife, but still kept doing her job correctly", what would you think of this manager? That is not "nice". Of course, if she decided to start making troubles at work following that episode, things would be totally different, but it's not the case, apparently.
– dim
yesterday
|
show 7 more comments
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
TL;DR - There is nothing, absolutely nothing you need / should do to react in a professional capacity. Just carry on, business as usual.
I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life.
I don't think you're very good at it. You are letting your personal issues (out of the office relationship) cloud your professional judgement.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her)
Please, don't even think about it. What an employee does outside the office is no reason to judge them in a professional capacity. You are thinking of getting into a "revenge" mode, curb this thought at root.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job [...]
Nope, not at all. She might have used the connection to know about the opening and applied and as you mentioned, the hiring was based on their capabilities. You rather should be thankful, they saved you some time and effort "head-hunting".
My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane.
She is right, listen to her.
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
19
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
1
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
5
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
add a comment |
I don't think you need a 3rd person telling you what you should do to be honest.
It is quite clear, you were friends, you helped her get a job that you feel she is qualified for, she is no longer a friend but a co-worker.
As long as Jane acts professionally and doesn't make any personal comments, leave it as it is. When you walk in the office, you leave your home behind.
When you walk into your house, you should leave your job behind as well.
Remain professional. If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
2
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
add a comment |
The best solution is to take any management decisions regarding her out of your own hands. That way, you cannot be biased in your actions towards Jane.
I would advise your boss of the bare minimum, and request that they review any disciplinary or job assignment actions you make regarding Jane. It is best to have a neutral third party look over your decisions. Many times our biases are subtle, and we believe we're acting rationally when in reality we are not.
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
add a comment |
In your work life there is absolutely NOTHING you could/should do.
If you fire her for personal motivation, in many countries (depend on where you live) plenty of lawyers will be ready to open the champagne bottle.
The only thing you could do to exit from this situation is to ask Jane to have a coffee after the work and ask her what happened, why and if there is any way she and your wife can be friends again.
But is a very dangerous path, you could upset Jane, your wife or even both.
The best thing for you is let the girls manage the situation.
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
4 Answers
4
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
TL;DR - There is nothing, absolutely nothing you need / should do to react in a professional capacity. Just carry on, business as usual.
I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life.
I don't think you're very good at it. You are letting your personal issues (out of the office relationship) cloud your professional judgement.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her)
Please, don't even think about it. What an employee does outside the office is no reason to judge them in a professional capacity. You are thinking of getting into a "revenge" mode, curb this thought at root.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job [...]
Nope, not at all. She might have used the connection to know about the opening and applied and as you mentioned, the hiring was based on their capabilities. You rather should be thankful, they saved you some time and effort "head-hunting".
My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane.
She is right, listen to her.
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
19
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
1
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
5
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
add a comment |
TL;DR - There is nothing, absolutely nothing you need / should do to react in a professional capacity. Just carry on, business as usual.
I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life.
I don't think you're very good at it. You are letting your personal issues (out of the office relationship) cloud your professional judgement.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her)
Please, don't even think about it. What an employee does outside the office is no reason to judge them in a professional capacity. You are thinking of getting into a "revenge" mode, curb this thought at root.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job [...]
Nope, not at all. She might have used the connection to know about the opening and applied and as you mentioned, the hiring was based on their capabilities. You rather should be thankful, they saved you some time and effort "head-hunting".
My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane.
She is right, listen to her.
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
19
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
1
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
5
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
add a comment |
TL;DR - There is nothing, absolutely nothing you need / should do to react in a professional capacity. Just carry on, business as usual.
I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life.
I don't think you're very good at it. You are letting your personal issues (out of the office relationship) cloud your professional judgement.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her)
Please, don't even think about it. What an employee does outside the office is no reason to judge them in a professional capacity. You are thinking of getting into a "revenge" mode, curb this thought at root.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job [...]
Nope, not at all. She might have used the connection to know about the opening and applied and as you mentioned, the hiring was based on their capabilities. You rather should be thankful, they saved you some time and effort "head-hunting".
My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane.
She is right, listen to her.
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
TL;DR - There is nothing, absolutely nothing you need / should do to react in a professional capacity. Just carry on, business as usual.
I also act normal since I don’t merge my professional and personal spheres of life.
I don't think you're very good at it. You are letting your personal issues (out of the office relationship) cloud your professional judgement.
Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her)
Please, don't even think about it. What an employee does outside the office is no reason to judge them in a professional capacity. You are thinking of getting into a "revenge" mode, curb this thought at root.
I also feel angry at times that she used the connection with us to get the job [...]
Nope, not at all. She might have used the connection to know about the opening and applied and as you mentioned, the hiring was based on their capabilities. You rather should be thankful, they saved you some time and effort "head-hunting".
My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane.
She is right, listen to her.
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
edited yesterday
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
answered yesterday
Sourav GhoshSourav Ghosh
8,97854464
8,97854464
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
19
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
1
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
5
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
add a comment |
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
19
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
1
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
5
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
If the OP still has concerns about this (or wants to CYA), they should consider validating any decisions relating to Jane with a third-party. Either the OP's boss (depending on relationship) or another manager with the company
– Vlad274
yesterday
19
19
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
DV'd for "I don't think you're very good at it." -- I think the OP is very good at it. Despite thinking that personally they should get revenge, etc., OP hasn't, and has kept a level, professional head the whole time. Yes, things are awkward, but that's unavoidable. The OP is asking for third-party opinions before doing anything, which demonstrates the obvious intent to keep professional / personal politics separated. OP is allowed to feel angry, but as long as they don't change professional behavior, they're doing things right.
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
1
1
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
The last advice is true even if the wife was not right. One should always pay heed to the words of one's spouse.
– Mindwin
yesterday
5
5
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
@SamYonnou Having an "evil" thought doesn't make one evil -- it's how you act on it. Same thing applies here. Sure, OP has a skewed, arguably inappropriate view, but they've had sense enough to keep that skewing out of the equation so far, and maintain a level head. We ought not damn someone for asking "I'm wrong here, right?"
– Der Kommissar
yesterday
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
You wife sounds like the better person than Jane. Keeping work/personal life separate is an important skill for a manager to have.
– Bill Leeper
9 hours ago
add a comment |
I don't think you need a 3rd person telling you what you should do to be honest.
It is quite clear, you were friends, you helped her get a job that you feel she is qualified for, she is no longer a friend but a co-worker.
As long as Jane acts professionally and doesn't make any personal comments, leave it as it is. When you walk in the office, you leave your home behind.
When you walk into your house, you should leave your job behind as well.
Remain professional. If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
2
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
add a comment |
I don't think you need a 3rd person telling you what you should do to be honest.
It is quite clear, you were friends, you helped her get a job that you feel she is qualified for, she is no longer a friend but a co-worker.
As long as Jane acts professionally and doesn't make any personal comments, leave it as it is. When you walk in the office, you leave your home behind.
When you walk into your house, you should leave your job behind as well.
Remain professional. If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
2
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
add a comment |
I don't think you need a 3rd person telling you what you should do to be honest.
It is quite clear, you were friends, you helped her get a job that you feel she is qualified for, she is no longer a friend but a co-worker.
As long as Jane acts professionally and doesn't make any personal comments, leave it as it is. When you walk in the office, you leave your home behind.
When you walk into your house, you should leave your job behind as well.
Remain professional. If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
I don't think you need a 3rd person telling you what you should do to be honest.
It is quite clear, you were friends, you helped her get a job that you feel she is qualified for, she is no longer a friend but a co-worker.
As long as Jane acts professionally and doesn't make any personal comments, leave it as it is. When you walk in the office, you leave your home behind.
When you walk into your house, you should leave your job behind as well.
Remain professional. If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
edited yesterday
Stephen Rasku
1033
1033
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
answered yesterday
fireshark519fireshark519
1,914218
1,914218
2
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
add a comment |
2
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
2
2
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
"If she ends up apologizing to your wife and they become friends again, what would you do if you had fired her?" This statement perfectly illustrates why it's a bad idea to fire Jane even if OP somehow would not care about professional behaviour at work. Personal conflicts between friends blow over more often than not - but almost certainly they won't if your friend's hubby fired you because you were mean to his wife.
– xLeitix
22 hours ago
add a comment |
The best solution is to take any management decisions regarding her out of your own hands. That way, you cannot be biased in your actions towards Jane.
I would advise your boss of the bare minimum, and request that they review any disciplinary or job assignment actions you make regarding Jane. It is best to have a neutral third party look over your decisions. Many times our biases are subtle, and we believe we're acting rationally when in reality we are not.
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
add a comment |
The best solution is to take any management decisions regarding her out of your own hands. That way, you cannot be biased in your actions towards Jane.
I would advise your boss of the bare minimum, and request that they review any disciplinary or job assignment actions you make regarding Jane. It is best to have a neutral third party look over your decisions. Many times our biases are subtle, and we believe we're acting rationally when in reality we are not.
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
add a comment |
The best solution is to take any management decisions regarding her out of your own hands. That way, you cannot be biased in your actions towards Jane.
I would advise your boss of the bare minimum, and request that they review any disciplinary or job assignment actions you make regarding Jane. It is best to have a neutral third party look over your decisions. Many times our biases are subtle, and we believe we're acting rationally when in reality we are not.
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
The best solution is to take any management decisions regarding her out of your own hands. That way, you cannot be biased in your actions towards Jane.
I would advise your boss of the bare minimum, and request that they review any disciplinary or job assignment actions you make regarding Jane. It is best to have a neutral third party look over your decisions. Many times our biases are subtle, and we believe we're acting rationally when in reality we are not.
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
answered 15 hours ago
AdonalsiumAdonalsium
755413
755413
add a comment |
add a comment |
In your work life there is absolutely NOTHING you could/should do.
If you fire her for personal motivation, in many countries (depend on where you live) plenty of lawyers will be ready to open the champagne bottle.
The only thing you could do to exit from this situation is to ask Jane to have a coffee after the work and ask her what happened, why and if there is any way she and your wife can be friends again.
But is a very dangerous path, you could upset Jane, your wife or even both.
The best thing for you is let the girls manage the situation.
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
In your work life there is absolutely NOTHING you could/should do.
If you fire her for personal motivation, in many countries (depend on where you live) plenty of lawyers will be ready to open the champagne bottle.
The only thing you could do to exit from this situation is to ask Jane to have a coffee after the work and ask her what happened, why and if there is any way she and your wife can be friends again.
But is a very dangerous path, you could upset Jane, your wife or even both.
The best thing for you is let the girls manage the situation.
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
In your work life there is absolutely NOTHING you could/should do.
If you fire her for personal motivation, in many countries (depend on where you live) plenty of lawyers will be ready to open the champagne bottle.
The only thing you could do to exit from this situation is to ask Jane to have a coffee after the work and ask her what happened, why and if there is any way she and your wife can be friends again.
But is a very dangerous path, you could upset Jane, your wife or even both.
The best thing for you is let the girls manage the situation.
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
In your work life there is absolutely NOTHING you could/should do.
If you fire her for personal motivation, in many countries (depend on where you live) plenty of lawyers will be ready to open the champagne bottle.
The only thing you could do to exit from this situation is to ask Jane to have a coffee after the work and ask her what happened, why and if there is any way she and your wife can be friends again.
But is a very dangerous path, you could upset Jane, your wife or even both.
The best thing for you is let the girls manage the situation.
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
edited 14 hours ago
reinierpost
22326
22326
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
answered 20 hours ago
FenopiùFenopiù
91
91
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Fenopiù is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
add a comment |
99
Keep work at work. Keep home life at home. "My wife, although bitter about it, is also of the opinion that I should not let this interfere with my work relationship towards Jane." - you could learn a few things by listening to your wife.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
114
"Of course I as her manager can make it difficult for her (even fire her) but I’m a nice guy :) " You should distance yourself from this sort of thinking, specifically - You're not 'being a nice guy'. You're being a professional and decent human being.
– Ethan The Brave
yesterday
14
Just a comment, since there are already answers which I agree with - this is only a "peculiar situation" if you choose to make it so. Jane appears to be continuing to behave professionally at work, and as her manager, that's all you need to consider.
– brhans
yesterday
61
The fact that you said "I could fire her but I won't because I'm a nice guy" strongly suggests that you might not be as nice of a guy as you think...
– Conor Mancone
yesterday
23
@dkel You're not "being nice" by not firing her, or by renewing her contract. You're being just normal, since you clearly say she's still doing her job correctly. If I tell you the story of "a boss that fired a girl just because this girl had an argument with his wife, but still kept doing her job correctly", what would you think of this manager? That is not "nice". Of course, if she decided to start making troubles at work following that episode, things would be totally different, but it's not the case, apparently.
– dim
yesterday