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Should I get informal with a professor if they didn't explicitly invite me to do so but the situation seems to suggest it's appropriate?


Seminar on How to Behave At UniversityIs it acceptable for me (an undergrad) to call professors and other research professionals by their first names?What should a student do if a professor agrees to write recommendation, then retracts offer upon realizing he confused the student with someone else?Thanking fellow PhD students in a paperShare prize money from conference presentation award with co-authors?Is it normal for a Professor to make unsolicited contact with potential Masters students via LinkedIn?How to handle sexist questions toward a faculty job candidate by other undergraduates?Should I meet my professors at a celebration party?How do I politely say that I am not applying to my alma mater anymore?Life after graduation; should I update my academic reference on my career progression?













5















Some years ago I completed my B.Sc. in a university. I was very young and the default behaviour for all the students (especially the young ones) was to formally address the professors. PhD students were more likely to get informal with them.



After my degree I spent some years working in a research institute and during this period I had some distant collaborations with some of the former professors and I got more familiar with some of them. Also some of my fellow students during the B.Sc. in the same period enrolled in a PhD and some of them became researchers in the same university.



Eventually I decided to enrol again in the same university to pursue a M.Sc. This put me in a weird situation. I was in a very informal relationship with my former fellow students and they were in a quite informal relationship with my professors but still when talking with my professors I was supposed (by these unwritten rules) to address them formally, even when we were all in the same room. Some of my professors were also very casual with me, in some cases one even gave me his personal phone number to have casual chats about technology and similar stuff and meet at an event and have dinner together, another one hugged me and kissed me when I won a competition, and another one invited me to spend a weekend with me (and other people) for a short holiday.



I want to stress that all this behaviours were in general not uncommon in this university and by my personal standard not at all invasive or "bad". They were all done in a very friendly manner and not hidden from other students or other professor. It was all fairly normal among professors, researchers and PhD students.



Said that, I still felt that I was not authorised to get too informal with them because of the relationship professor-student and they never told me to get more informal with them.



I'm not sure if I came across as too cold, but I was not really sure what my behaviour should have been in a situation like that. Should I have been more informal with them by my own initiative?










share|improve this question









New contributor




heapOverflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.















  • 1





    This would vary by location. What country is this in?

    – Emma
    Apr 30 at 12:46






  • 1





    Southern europe.

    – heapOverflow
    Apr 30 at 12:56






  • 1





    Have you considered discussing the matter with one of them?

    – Didier L
    Apr 30 at 16:25















5















Some years ago I completed my B.Sc. in a university. I was very young and the default behaviour for all the students (especially the young ones) was to formally address the professors. PhD students were more likely to get informal with them.



After my degree I spent some years working in a research institute and during this period I had some distant collaborations with some of the former professors and I got more familiar with some of them. Also some of my fellow students during the B.Sc. in the same period enrolled in a PhD and some of them became researchers in the same university.



Eventually I decided to enrol again in the same university to pursue a M.Sc. This put me in a weird situation. I was in a very informal relationship with my former fellow students and they were in a quite informal relationship with my professors but still when talking with my professors I was supposed (by these unwritten rules) to address them formally, even when we were all in the same room. Some of my professors were also very casual with me, in some cases one even gave me his personal phone number to have casual chats about technology and similar stuff and meet at an event and have dinner together, another one hugged me and kissed me when I won a competition, and another one invited me to spend a weekend with me (and other people) for a short holiday.



I want to stress that all this behaviours were in general not uncommon in this university and by my personal standard not at all invasive or "bad". They were all done in a very friendly manner and not hidden from other students or other professor. It was all fairly normal among professors, researchers and PhD students.



Said that, I still felt that I was not authorised to get too informal with them because of the relationship professor-student and they never told me to get more informal with them.



I'm not sure if I came across as too cold, but I was not really sure what my behaviour should have been in a situation like that. Should I have been more informal with them by my own initiative?










share|improve this question









New contributor




heapOverflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.















  • 1





    This would vary by location. What country is this in?

    – Emma
    Apr 30 at 12:46






  • 1





    Southern europe.

    – heapOverflow
    Apr 30 at 12:56






  • 1





    Have you considered discussing the matter with one of them?

    – Didier L
    Apr 30 at 16:25













5












5








5


1






Some years ago I completed my B.Sc. in a university. I was very young and the default behaviour for all the students (especially the young ones) was to formally address the professors. PhD students were more likely to get informal with them.



After my degree I spent some years working in a research institute and during this period I had some distant collaborations with some of the former professors and I got more familiar with some of them. Also some of my fellow students during the B.Sc. in the same period enrolled in a PhD and some of them became researchers in the same university.



Eventually I decided to enrol again in the same university to pursue a M.Sc. This put me in a weird situation. I was in a very informal relationship with my former fellow students and they were in a quite informal relationship with my professors but still when talking with my professors I was supposed (by these unwritten rules) to address them formally, even when we were all in the same room. Some of my professors were also very casual with me, in some cases one even gave me his personal phone number to have casual chats about technology and similar stuff and meet at an event and have dinner together, another one hugged me and kissed me when I won a competition, and another one invited me to spend a weekend with me (and other people) for a short holiday.



I want to stress that all this behaviours were in general not uncommon in this university and by my personal standard not at all invasive or "bad". They were all done in a very friendly manner and not hidden from other students or other professor. It was all fairly normal among professors, researchers and PhD students.



Said that, I still felt that I was not authorised to get too informal with them because of the relationship professor-student and they never told me to get more informal with them.



I'm not sure if I came across as too cold, but I was not really sure what my behaviour should have been in a situation like that. Should I have been more informal with them by my own initiative?










share|improve this question









New contributor




heapOverflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.












Some years ago I completed my B.Sc. in a university. I was very young and the default behaviour for all the students (especially the young ones) was to formally address the professors. PhD students were more likely to get informal with them.



After my degree I spent some years working in a research institute and during this period I had some distant collaborations with some of the former professors and I got more familiar with some of them. Also some of my fellow students during the B.Sc. in the same period enrolled in a PhD and some of them became researchers in the same university.



Eventually I decided to enrol again in the same university to pursue a M.Sc. This put me in a weird situation. I was in a very informal relationship with my former fellow students and they were in a quite informal relationship with my professors but still when talking with my professors I was supposed (by these unwritten rules) to address them formally, even when we were all in the same room. Some of my professors were also very casual with me, in some cases one even gave me his personal phone number to have casual chats about technology and similar stuff and meet at an event and have dinner together, another one hugged me and kissed me when I won a competition, and another one invited me to spend a weekend with me (and other people) for a short holiday.



I want to stress that all this behaviours were in general not uncommon in this university and by my personal standard not at all invasive or "bad". They were all done in a very friendly manner and not hidden from other students or other professor. It was all fairly normal among professors, researchers and PhD students.



Said that, I still felt that I was not authorised to get too informal with them because of the relationship professor-student and they never told me to get more informal with them.



I'm not sure if I came across as too cold, but I was not really sure what my behaviour should have been in a situation like that. Should I have been more informal with them by my own initiative?







etiquette professors students academic-life






share|improve this question









New contributor




heapOverflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











share|improve this question









New contributor




heapOverflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









share|improve this question




share|improve this question








edited Apr 30 at 17:02









Wrzlprmft

34.7k11110188




34.7k11110188






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asked Apr 30 at 11:55









heapOverflowheapOverflow

1262




1262




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New contributor





heapOverflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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Check out our Code of Conduct.







  • 1





    This would vary by location. What country is this in?

    – Emma
    Apr 30 at 12:46






  • 1





    Southern europe.

    – heapOverflow
    Apr 30 at 12:56






  • 1





    Have you considered discussing the matter with one of them?

    – Didier L
    Apr 30 at 16:25












  • 1





    This would vary by location. What country is this in?

    – Emma
    Apr 30 at 12:46






  • 1





    Southern europe.

    – heapOverflow
    Apr 30 at 12:56






  • 1





    Have you considered discussing the matter with one of them?

    – Didier L
    Apr 30 at 16:25







1




1





This would vary by location. What country is this in?

– Emma
Apr 30 at 12:46





This would vary by location. What country is this in?

– Emma
Apr 30 at 12:46




1




1





Southern europe.

– heapOverflow
Apr 30 at 12:56





Southern europe.

– heapOverflow
Apr 30 at 12:56




1




1





Have you considered discussing the matter with one of them?

– Didier L
Apr 30 at 16:25





Have you considered discussing the matter with one of them?

– Didier L
Apr 30 at 16:25










2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes


















12














I would suggest that you handle interactions more on the informal side when you are just around the professors and your former fellow students.



But when around the professors and your current fellow students I would stay on the formal side because otherwise you imply to the other students that every student can adress the professors like that (which the professors may not want).






share|improve this answer


















  • 1





    Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

    – Jon Custer
    Apr 30 at 13:05






  • 5





    I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

    – Kathy
    Apr 30 at 13:09






  • 1





    In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

    – Solar Mike
    Apr 30 at 15:12



















1














Most professors are socially awkward individuals and are attempting to live the lifestyle of a college student while attempting to maintain this aura of authority when it suits them. First, you are walking a fine line with these individuals and if anything they should be acting professionally around their subordinates. I will never understand how academia is never held accountable to the same standards the private sector has to operate under.



Bottom line is that these professors probably do not have the best of intentions and if they do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you should maintain the professional relationship as best as possible.






share|improve this answer








New contributor




Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.




















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    2 Answers
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    2 Answers
    2






    active

    oldest

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    active

    oldest

    votes






    active

    oldest

    votes









    12














    I would suggest that you handle interactions more on the informal side when you are just around the professors and your former fellow students.



    But when around the professors and your current fellow students I would stay on the formal side because otherwise you imply to the other students that every student can adress the professors like that (which the professors may not want).






    share|improve this answer


















    • 1





      Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

      – Jon Custer
      Apr 30 at 13:05






    • 5





      I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

      – Kathy
      Apr 30 at 13:09






    • 1





      In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

      – Solar Mike
      Apr 30 at 15:12
















    12














    I would suggest that you handle interactions more on the informal side when you are just around the professors and your former fellow students.



    But when around the professors and your current fellow students I would stay on the formal side because otherwise you imply to the other students that every student can adress the professors like that (which the professors may not want).






    share|improve this answer


















    • 1





      Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

      – Jon Custer
      Apr 30 at 13:05






    • 5





      I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

      – Kathy
      Apr 30 at 13:09






    • 1





      In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

      – Solar Mike
      Apr 30 at 15:12














    12












    12








    12







    I would suggest that you handle interactions more on the informal side when you are just around the professors and your former fellow students.



    But when around the professors and your current fellow students I would stay on the formal side because otherwise you imply to the other students that every student can adress the professors like that (which the professors may not want).






    share|improve this answer













    I would suggest that you handle interactions more on the informal side when you are just around the professors and your former fellow students.



    But when around the professors and your current fellow students I would stay on the formal side because otherwise you imply to the other students that every student can adress the professors like that (which the professors may not want).







    share|improve this answer












    share|improve this answer



    share|improve this answer










    answered Apr 30 at 12:57









    asquaredasquared

    1,827923




    1,827923







    • 1





      Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

      – Jon Custer
      Apr 30 at 13:05






    • 5





      I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

      – Kathy
      Apr 30 at 13:09






    • 1





      In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

      – Solar Mike
      Apr 30 at 15:12













    • 1





      Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

      – Jon Custer
      Apr 30 at 13:05






    • 5





      I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

      – Kathy
      Apr 30 at 13:09






    • 1





      In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

      – Solar Mike
      Apr 30 at 15:12








    1




    1





    Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

    – Jon Custer
    Apr 30 at 13:05





    Indeed, they need to walk a fine line at least for a while to see how things go.

    – Jon Custer
    Apr 30 at 13:05




    5




    5





    I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

    – Kathy
    Apr 30 at 13:09





    I once had a professor who had been a childhood friend. I handled the situation exactly this way and it worked out very well.

    – Kathy
    Apr 30 at 13:09




    1




    1





    In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

    – Solar Mike
    Apr 30 at 15:12






    In the staff room ie away from students then informal, any "public" place then formal. Works out just fine.

    – Solar Mike
    Apr 30 at 15:12












    1














    Most professors are socially awkward individuals and are attempting to live the lifestyle of a college student while attempting to maintain this aura of authority when it suits them. First, you are walking a fine line with these individuals and if anything they should be acting professionally around their subordinates. I will never understand how academia is never held accountable to the same standards the private sector has to operate under.



    Bottom line is that these professors probably do not have the best of intentions and if they do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you should maintain the professional relationship as best as possible.






    share|improve this answer








    New contributor




    Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
    Check out our Code of Conduct.
























      1














      Most professors are socially awkward individuals and are attempting to live the lifestyle of a college student while attempting to maintain this aura of authority when it suits them. First, you are walking a fine line with these individuals and if anything they should be acting professionally around their subordinates. I will never understand how academia is never held accountable to the same standards the private sector has to operate under.



      Bottom line is that these professors probably do not have the best of intentions and if they do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you should maintain the professional relationship as best as possible.






      share|improve this answer








      New contributor




      Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
      Check out our Code of Conduct.






















        1












        1








        1







        Most professors are socially awkward individuals and are attempting to live the lifestyle of a college student while attempting to maintain this aura of authority when it suits them. First, you are walking a fine line with these individuals and if anything they should be acting professionally around their subordinates. I will never understand how academia is never held accountable to the same standards the private sector has to operate under.



        Bottom line is that these professors probably do not have the best of intentions and if they do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you should maintain the professional relationship as best as possible.






        share|improve this answer








        New contributor




        Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
        Check out our Code of Conduct.










        Most professors are socially awkward individuals and are attempting to live the lifestyle of a college student while attempting to maintain this aura of authority when it suits them. First, you are walking a fine line with these individuals and if anything they should be acting professionally around their subordinates. I will never understand how academia is never held accountable to the same standards the private sector has to operate under.



        Bottom line is that these professors probably do not have the best of intentions and if they do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you should maintain the professional relationship as best as possible.







        share|improve this answer








        New contributor




        Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
        Check out our Code of Conduct.









        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer






        New contributor




        Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
        Check out our Code of Conduct.









        answered Apr 30 at 16:08









        Fred TuckerFred Tucker

        351




        351




        New contributor




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        New contributor





        Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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        Fred Tucker is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
        Check out our Code of Conduct.




















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